Lauren Clucas, South African Relationship ConsultantTells Maverick Live.
Relationships are an integral part of society and seem to permeate every part of life. They are sung, written, and played across stage and screen with fidelity, from tender beginnings to heart-wrenching endings. a lot of people looking for love That there is a whole subgenre of reality TV dedicated to finding the perfect partner. shows like BSC Set millions of viewers on fire during the reunion episode of love is blind “Break the Internet” when a live broadcast fails, causing viral disruption.
But beyond the glitz and glamour of Hollywood love, there are real people living ordinary lives, and finding a partner isn’t all that glamourous (maybe, maybe, it’s even better).
Am I ready for a relationship?
relations, says Clucas, and teach people about themselves, and can stimulate self-reflection. This can help people approach relationships in a healthy way and prepare them to be in a romantic partnership.
Being “ready” for a relationship isn’t easy to define, but Clucas points out that being ready and open to being vulnerable is a good indicator.
“You have to be open to the choices of love and loss, because that’s what love is, and its risks,” she says.
The way people approach relationships and the experiences they bring with them are also worth examining.
How you enter relationships is very important. A lot of people bring unfinished business into an existing relationship. This can lead to couples facing conflict over problems that occurred in a previous relationship.
To avoid this, Clucas explains that the way a previous relationship ended is important in how to move forward in a new relationship.
Find closure in the relationship and understand what you can be thankful for [previous partner] For and what you need to give up, or what you have learned about yourself, what you have learned about life and what you have learned about it, ”she advises.
“Look at relationships as experiences that add value and teach us about ourselves, and also teach us about society and people, so that you feel finished before entering a relationship.”
take your time
There is no right timeline for life or finding a partner, but nevertheless it can feel frustrating and that one has been “left behind” when one’s peers are in relationships and the other is not.
Clucas reminds us here that rather than looking outward and being compared to others, one should look inward and think about what their goals are and how they work towards those goals.
“Stay connected, make sure you take appropriate risks, watch, and see yourself speaking in this moment. What are your wants and expectations emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually, and socially? Do you even want that? Or are external messages trying to tell you this is what you should do?”
“When we act on ‘should’, we are actually not being true to ourselves.”
If a relationship is what someone wants, Clucas encourages them to take responsibility and make the most of opportunities to connect with others.
“What do you do to communicate as much as possible, to make sure you want?”
Key aspects of a healthy relationship
When dating and considering a budding relationship, the first piece of advice Clucas gives people is to figure out what they value most, and then do the same with a potential partner. This can be a major deciding factor, but it can also deepen the relationship.
Clucas explains that the number one factor people consider when dating is suitability. This could include common interests and mutual friends, for example, or anything in common and could really bond the couple together during those first few dates.
“In the beginning when you’re looking for a partner, you’re looking for the fit. So you can ask a wide range of questions to understand what makes this person so relevant to you,” says Clucas.
Going beyond those initial, more obvious themes that show adequacy can lead to an understanding of who is a person beyond hobbies likes and dislikes. This leads to the second factor that Clucas mentions; authenticity.
“Are they authentic? And can you be authentic when you’re with them? Can you be yourself when you’re with them? Do you see them as being honest with you? Do they share aspects they don’t really like about themselves, or something they’re working on themselves with?” Klukas asks. This stage of finding authenticity, Klukas says, can be hugely revealing about a person’s personality, too.
Third, Clucas identifies empathy as the last essential factor for a relationship, based on her experience working with couples who have been together for an extended period of time.
“On those first few dates, you’re looking to see if this person can listen to you and hear what you’re saying, and maybe mirror back what they heard,” Clucas explains.
“You get to the first level of relevance. The second level if you have a real person, but you have an empathic person, you get to that deeper level of relationship.” DM